It Must Be December

Seriously, I love this season and everything that comes with it.

BUT

Cue my holiday funk.

This year it started with a bad hair cut. I know, it makes no sense. I had to get my hair whacked off to correct the first hair cut.

Cue self loathing.

Suddenly I cared that I was still carrying around baby weight and that my old clothes still don't fit and probably never will. I decided I hate all my new clothes, my face, my personality and everything about the current me. Great.


Cue anxiety. 

Then we had a possible water leak, our brand new dryer broke (we thought) and now it turns out the entire fuse box needs to be replaced.

Now, I'm not good enough at anything. I've decided that since my house isn't pristine, my Christmas tree isn't beautiful and we eat take out occasionally that I suck at life.

The worst part is that my husband doesn't get it. And it infuriates me even though I know I'm being completely irrational and insane. I even thought I might be pregnant despite two forms of birth control. That's the kinda crazy I'm feeling.

Makes total sense, right?

Cue a therapist? 

Ah December, are you over yet?

Must Be Santa

I don't think Steven and I will push the Santa thing. I know the kids will eventually ask about Santa and I guess we need to figure out what to tell them. Growing up, our parents always told us that our stockings were from Santa but that was it. I'd really like to focus more on a Christian Christmas.

That being said

Today we visited Santa at Bass Pro Shops. They give you a free 4x6 photo. I couldn't miss out on this photo op!

I know it's a crap picture. I also know I'm a little old to be posing with Santa. Connor freaked (as expected) and the photographer suggested I stand with him next to Santa.  The look on his face those is priceless! And of course, let's not forget Miss Mellow! She's such an easy baby!!!

Alice - 5 Months

Where have the past 5 months gone?

It's hard to believe that at this time last year, I was gearing up to go back to work. I couldn't imagine what I would do if that were the case this year.

Okay. Back to Alice.

A good alternate title for this post would be "A Month of Sickness."

We have passed around 3 different colds this month. Because of the cold, Alice had no appetite. Some days she would eat less than 2 bottles. Thankfully, she's eating well again BUT I have no clue how much she is eating on an average day. Feedings are fluctuating from every hour to every 8 hours and anywhere from 1 oz to 6. 

Because of all the illnesses, there is no pattern to your sleeping habits either. You and Connor are both napping at almost the same times each day...I'll take it! 

Let's note some milestones! 

Alice has rolled over....once...from back to front. What's with my babies and NOT rolling over! We meet other milestones early!

Alice has good enough head control to go in the bouncer and she loves it. Her face is priceless when she's playing with the toys. You would think she's won the lottery every time she rediscovers a toy! 

She is super close to sitting up unsupported. What baby does that before they've mastered rolling over?!?!?!

Alice is still laid back and super easy. That being said, give that girl a cold and nobody is going to sleep!e

p.s. I really do try to post on here more than once a month. I just can't seem to make it happen. *sigh* 

Alice - 4 Months

Happy 4 Months Ali-Gator! 

We've had a rough go this past month. Out of nowhere Alice's personality changed. She screamed, cried, refused the bottle and had many sleepless nights. Two weeks later, she was diagnosed with silent re flux  My poor girl! I felt terrible. Alice was prescribed 1.5ml of Zantac, twice a day. We had to switch her to a formula with rice starch and elevate her crib. 10 LONG days later and our Alice was back!

Alice enjoys face time, her jumper and her bouncy seat. She has yet to roll over and shows no sign of doing so anytime soon. Sigh, my babies don't like to roll.

Connor has become more interested in playing with and taking care of Alice. Often times he makes a smacking noise with his lips and "kisses" her over and over. I die of sweetness every time I see it!

Vocabulary

I keep meaning to make a list of the works C is currently using.

Dada
Uh oh
No
Yuck
Here kitty kitty
woof (aka puppy)
Hello (Every time the phone rings)
Bye-bye
ball
One

3 Months

Oh sweet Alice, you fill my heart.
I can't get over the way you exude everything that is sweet, girly and adorable. You still prove to be an amazingly sweet and laid back baby.

Here are 10 things about you.

1. You sleep way better NOT swaddled. We lay you down awake, give you your blanket and you fall asleep on your own. I feel giddy just being able to say this!

2. You have just discovered your hands and feet. You could stare at those guys all day.

3. You are so happy when you wake up. When I come to get you up from your nap to smile and talk non-stop. It's hilarious!

4. You WILL NOT be force fed. Nothing makes you angrier than being offered a bottle when you are not ready. Sometimes it takes a good half hour to calm you back down.

5. You sleep. A lot. Still.

6. You're spitting up more often. *Sigh* Bring out the bibs and burp cloths.

7. You still sleep in our room. You're just so little and sweet...I can't bring myself to move you from my side at night. (And your nursery is so stinkin' cute!)

8. You have small nostrils - Okay, this has nothing to do with being 3 months old but it might be worth noting for any future kiddos!

9. I've finally embraced cloth diapering you full time. I'm not sure why I didn't jump right in with you!

10. When your Daddy gets home at night Connor bombards him.....but as soon as he gets his hands on you he stops, picks you up and stares at your face forever. I'm pretty certain you've got him in the palm of your hand. ; )

Alice - 2 Months

I just need to take a moment and swoon over this adorable baby girl. Seriously, I'm seeping that ooey gooey motherly love that would make any non-parent gag. .....it's disgusting! ; )

You are the sweetest baby I've ever met! At two months old you laugh, giggle and coo like a baby straight from T.V. When you wake up and see me you laugh and smile for as long as you can forget about your hunger/wet diaper. It's adorable!

You're still eating 4 oz at a time and averaging about 24 oz a day. You've slept through the night a handful of times but normally wake up at least once a night. We've been getting to bed late so I'm not counting your midnight feedings! You're still sleeping a large part of the day but you're very interested in your surroundings when you're awake. You hate your tummy but not as much as your brother did!

Connor has stopped beating you and loves to find you. If you're sleeping he runs to the pack n play to find you. He loves to give you kisses and tries to give you your paci. He normally just ends up smashing it into your face of poking you in they eye. He tries. Sometimes he bends over your head and makes real soft noises at your face....I'm pretty sure he's mocking me!

It's hard to imagine what our family was like without you!

My Babies Bulleted

Connor

• Officially off the bottle - except when he steals A's and sneaks to the corner to suck it down. 
• Loves dancing to "Call Me Maybe"
• Loves going outside to play but thinks the only way out is with Ivy's leash in hand. 
• Has cut 4 teeth in the past month. 
• Points to the crib when he is ready to nap and runs to the refrigerator when he's hungry. 
• Wants to read all the time. Mostly But Not The Hippopotamus. 
• Climbs on and off the furniture all day. 
• Loves remotes. 

Alice

• Loves her sleep...and she's good at it. I love that she doesn't have to be rocked to sleep.
• Smiles and laughs occasionally
• Incredibly ticklish but doesn't seem to enjoy it! ; )
• Still eating 4ish ounces every 2-3 hours
• Hates being on the floor
• Still sleeping in our room
• Sweet and laid back

Wednesday

It's happened too many times already....I've been in my "jamas" well past 4 o'clock. I quickly jump in the shower so that when Steven gets home I don't look like the lazy slob I've been all day.

But not today my friends. We were going to do something...anything.

I showered, dressed myself and my babies and we got the hell outta Dodge, or the house, whatever.

First stop, Walmart.

I've been waiting on Alice's newborn pictures so I can send out her birth announcment. Better late than never, right? Well, Walmart will be Walmart. I couldn't pick up the pictures because I need a copyright release form. My aunt took the pictures....not a professional photographer. So I hauled two babies into Walmart for NOTHING! I could have spit bullets.

Next, McDonald's

My addiction to a large diet coke is ridiculous. It has to be a fountain drink and it has to be in a Styrofoam cup. I love a good Styrofoam cup. I reuse the cups at home. It's that bad. The good news is I just got the drink but the fries were calling my name.

Finally, Village Park.

This was an adventure. I pushed Alice in the stroller and Connor walked....and ran....in every direction but the one I wanted. We were all nice and sweaty from the humidity when A decided to see just how much her diaper could hold. It holds a lot...but not enough.  So we stepped off the trail and changed a diaper. C tried to take off running. I grabbed A and ran after him leaving the stroller behind. C lost a shoe, tripped on the sidewalk, A screamed some more and I decided it was time to head home. 30 minutes later and I was loading up the car. Had I been alone, it would have taken less than 5 minutes to get to the car. We weren't nearly as far away as it sounds.

Getting out was worth it but it was hard. Tomorrow we tackle Connor's 12 month appointment....yes he's 14 months. We're behind because of insurance issues and you know, birthing A.

It's Not Easy Being Green....Or A Big Brother

When my mom told me she was pregnant with Sarah I was angry but I was also 7. I could communicate my wants and needs and I had two big brothers to keep me company. I was old enough to enjoy caring for Sarah and I thought it was funny having a little sister around. 

That is not what is happening at our house right now. 

Connor is green from his toes to the top of his head. It's been a tough go here at the Tilley house. Connor has always demanded attention...in that, I'm going to scream my head off or bang it against the hard wood floors until you give it to me, kinda way. That demand has increased twofold since Baby Alice has made her debut. 

It breaks my heart. 

It's so easy to forget about Alice and devote 100% of your attention to Connor because she is an amazing baby! Then as soon as you realize how craptastic you've been treating her and try to give her even a fraction of your attention, Connor freaks....and demands attention.....in tha,t  bite your leg/foot/arm/whatever I can reach, kinda way. 

And on that note I need to say.....

Connor is absolutely amazing too. You can't not crack up around this kid. He's a natural comedian....in that, I'm going to make sure that I've caught your eye before I do this incredibly hilarious thing, kinda way....then when you laugh, I'm going to do it again. 

I wish all this change wasn't so hard for him. 

I love that little boy! In that, I could eat your face, cuddle you all night, sniff up your scent, until it hurts, kinda way. 

Alice - 3 Weeks

Dear Baby Alice,
   Wake up and smell the roses!

Eating - Your eating habits haven't changed much in a month. You're still averaging an ounce an hour. Sorry you're eating habits aren't more interesting.

Sleeping - You slept a 5 hour stretch last night. I was thrilled. Here's hoping you're a better sleeper in the long run than your brother! You're also having longer wake times during the day. You're longest is just after your brother goes to sleep!

Motherhood - Steven still isn't back at work so things are going pretty well around here. He goes back on Saturday so we will see if I can keep it together. I had my first PP freakout this week. It wasn't pretty.

Fatherhood - Steven is busy trying to get things done around the house before his return to work. He doesn't want me to have a ton of chores to do when he goes back.

Brotherhood - I'm hoping Connor will calm down and start to adjust now that all the visitors are gone and we're in our normal(ish) routine again.

Nana came to meet you this week and she was so in love. She says you look and act just like I did when I was a baby. Poor girl, you better start doing the lunges now cause this rear end and thighs are nothing worth inheriting!

This was taken at a little under 3 weeks. 

PP Hormones...I've Been Waiting For You

• I don't want to get dressed because my pants don't fit.
• I don't want to leave the house because that means I have to get dressed.
• Friends and close family...I am alive, regardless of my recent disappearance. 
• I want to sleep always but sleeping when the babIES sleep doesn't work as well as sleeping when the babY sleeps. 
• I'm ready for the rotating door that is my house to be sealed permanently ....seriously 24/7 visitors is no good. Give it a rest. 
• I may never leave the house again once Steven goes back to work. 

Alice - Week 2

So our internet's been out...this post is a little late.

Dear Baby Alice,
   I'm sorry your brother is a jealous boy. Your face has been smacked more than any baby's should. I think it's love????? ; )

Eating - You're eating 2-4 ounces every 2-4 hours. So to keep it simple we could say you eat an ounce an hour. Not too bad!

Sleeping - You're still sleeping most of the day but your alert periods are slowly increasing. You've stayed awake for up to an hour and a half at this time. You only cry if you're sleepy, hungry or need a diaper change. Sweet relief! You're sleeping well most nights and waking around 12, 4 and 7 to eat.

Motherhood - It's a challenge to get anything done! Dad is still home with us and we're still adjusting to this new change. It's working for now. Things may fall apart when Dad goes back to work but we'll enjoy our time together while it lasts.

Fatherhood - "I'm busy feeding my daughter." He is enjoying all the time at home. He is cooking a ton!

Brotherhood - I should have included this last week too. The hitting has slowed down to almost none. Your brother mostly pats you gently. He does look away as he pats you and end up "patting" your face.

You're a sweet, laid back girl.....the very opposite of your brother! Alice, you're a breath of fresh, relaxed air in a chaotic, bustling house!

Alice - Week One

Dear Baby Alice,
   You were born into a house of chaos, noise and dog hair. I'm so sorry sweet, little girl!!! But we do love you!

Eating - You're eating 1.5-2 ounces every 2-3 hours. It's manageable but does take some time to eat as your big brother tries to pull the bottle from your mouth every chance he gets. In the past day you've started taking a little over 2 ounces occasionally.

Sleeping - You sleep most of the day but your wake time is starting to increase to about an hour at times. You're sleeping well at night but you still wake to eat every 2-4 hours. 4 hours is your longest stretch of sleep at this time.

Motherhood - Two under two is proving to be a challenge. The hardest part is teaching your brother he can't hit you, take your food and steal your paci. I have a feeling those battles will be life long. (Minus the paci!)

Fatherhood - "It's the same as with one, but there's another one." BUWHAHAHAHAHA. Love that man!

Alice's Birth Story

I pretty much knew from the start of my pregnancy with Alice that I would be induced...history repeats itself and all.

I went in for my induction at 40 weeks and 4 days. I was scared to wait too long because I didn't think my body could survive another massive baby! I was geared up for a couple day stay but still taking comfort in what I heard over and over my entire pregnancy. "The second baby comes faster."

Boy, they weren't kidding!

Steven and I arrived at the hospital at 6:30 am on Tuesday, June 26. I was glad to see Debbie, the same nurse that delivered Baby C! She was amazing and totally put my mind at ease. They immediately started an IV of Pitocin.  The contractions started right away but weren't bad at all. The pit was slowly turned up because my body was having regular contractions on it's own. (I was so proud!) I hadn't been in the bed even an hour when Dr. Jones came in a broke my water. I wasn't thrilled about having it broken so early but I figure that the doctor is the expert. Plus, I was already 1 cm dilated and 60% effaced...it took me 3 days to reach that point with Baby C.

By 11:30 I requested an epidural.  My pain threshold is -10. Seriously. This was the best epidural EVER! I could still wiggle my toes and move my legs and I could even feel the contractions. (This was so different from my first epidural where I couldn't even keep my legs from flopping off the bed!) Once I began active labor they had to add something to the epidural because I REALLY started feeling contractions again. I'm sad to say I don't know what they added. During this time we had several visitors, family, friends and church members.

Around 6:45 pm, Debbie checked me and I was almost a 10. She said Alice's head was low but not low enough to push. I could feel a ton of pressure in my bottom and kept telling her I thought the pressure was increasing. I really like this nurse but I would be lying if I didn't say it was frustrating when she said "I could check you again but it won't make the baby come any faster."  It the midst of all this, there was a shift change. The new nurse, Tonya, was on duty. She was in the room as I was insisting there was in increase in pressure.

When Debbie left I told Tonya that I knew I had just been checked but there was more pressure. She said she would go ahead and check me. After she checked me she said "Don't move, cough or sneeze. Her head is right there."

She yelled for a nurse to page Dr. Jones grabbed gloves and shoe covers just in time. I told her that Alice was coming right now. I could feel her head crowning. The nurse ran over to the bed just in time to catch her. I delivered Alice Elaine Tilley, in my hospital bed, at 7:18 pm. She weighed in at 8lbs 0oz and was 20.5 inches long.  She was delivered without a single push.

The second baby does come faster!

Alice

You're 24 weeks old and seem to be a lot more gentle than your big brother. I hope you're a little more low key as well. I don't feel you move often but you seem to prefer the 10 o'clock hour. You're very low in my tummy and positioned in just the right spot.....you know, the spot that makes you feel the urge to pee every 5ish minutes.

Alice, you don't have a middle name yet...unless it turns out to be Alice. Some possibilities are Alice Mae, Mary Alice, Alice Jane.....I don't know. We'll figure something out. Just this moment, looking at your name spelled out, all I can see is lice....great.

Big things are happening around here to make room for you. You'll never understand what a huge deal this is but your daddy is cleaning out the toy room. We've got a lot of work ahead of us to make the perfect spot for you and I'm not getting any smaller. We better hurry.

Most importantly baby girl, I'm terrified and thrilled to bring you home for reasons I'll never be able to put in writing.

8 Months

Happy 8 months my beautiful boy! 

You have accomplished a ton in the past month. I can't believe how fast you're reaching major milestones!

You are crawling and boy am I happy. I always suspected you would be a much happier baby once you started crawling. I was right! You are so content now. I won't go as far to say you're independent but you will play alone for extended periods of time. You love to chase Ivy around the house. It's far from her favorite game though! I can also leave your site without a full blown meltdown. These are exciting times! 

Pulling up is one of your newest skills. Actually, I think it has fallen after the 8 month mark but I'm a little late with this post. Pulling up does prove to be a challenge in much of the house. If you have on socks or it's a smaller piece of furniture you're pulling on, something/someone is bound to slide on the hardwood. You are still far from cruising as you think the only way to stand is on your tip toes. It reminds me so much of your Uncle Matthew. He walked on his tip toes for as long as I can remember. He may even still! 

You love to eat. Your favorite food is probably banana. It can't be cut up too small though or you get frustrated. You also enjoy strawberries, tomato, cucumber and pickles. You LOVE pickles. You get jarred baby food with the babysitter each day but it's clearly not your favorite. 

You are such a sweet boy and my how your little personality is starting to shine through! 

Tease

Life deserves so much more attention than this but here's what I can muster up. 

1. Connor is full on crawling

2. I'm 20 weeks pregnant and expecting a girl

3. I'm tired.....so, so tired.

4. My workplace has become hell on earth. For everyone. I think SB may be looking at a whole new staff next year...people are ready to walk. 

.......That's all I've got. Sorry.

Countdown

10 - The number of days I've been back at work. It's not getting any easier and I'm not enjoying it anymore. With the staff cuts and insane number of changes within the state and system I feel as if my head could explode.

9 - The average number of hours that Connor is away from home each day. It's too much time. I need to do some serious praying about priorities including our financial priorities for next year. I'm thinking I'll stay home the entire year because as someone so graciously told me, "being bored isn't a reason not to stay home." I've never thought about it that way but paste a selfish sign across my forehead.

8 - The number of days until we find out the gender of baby number two.

7 - One for each month of Connor's life. His newest skills are waving bye and sitting up. He's super mobile and into everything.

6(ish) - The number of children Steven and I plan to have.....just kidding! The number of months until Max or Alice is here.

5 - The average number of hours of sleep we were getting per night. Connor had another ear infection and he was not going to sleep or let us sleep. That's two ear infections in seven months. I hope tubes aren't in our future.

4(+)- The number of months pregnant I am. I seriously can't believe how fast our family is growing. It blows my mind that at this time next year we will have two babies!

3 - The number of days in our weekend. It was so nice to have Steven and Connor home all weekend. Parenting is so much easier with a partner. I can't imagine how single parents do it.

2 - The number of teeth Connor has cut.

1 - The number of meals I've eaten today. Gotta go make dinner!

I Chose This

Oh.My.Word.

Life is beyond kicking my butt right now. I'm exhausted, my head hurts, I've got a cold and my family and house are paying the price.

My house is suffering. Our house looks like a tornado blew through it. I'm afraid it's a permanent change. The exhaustion of returning to work, nursing a sick babe and being 16 weeks pregnant is more than I can bear. I can't seem to find the energy to start a load of laundry or sweep up the pet hair tumbleweed.

My marriage is suffering. You know how when you watch reality TV it's easy to choose whose side you're on? Friends, if my life were a reality TV show, you would be siding with my husband. Seriously, he's a saint and I've been far from it. (Not that he hasn't had his moments!)

My body is suffering. I knew returning to work meant returning to a sea of unwashed hands, fingers in mouths and contaminated surfaces. My first week and I scored a cold and passed it on to Connor. Poor kid.

The good news is that Connor does not seem to be suffering. He's very happy when Jesse brings him home and the change in his schedule hasn't seemed to phase him. PRAISE GOD!

I must remind myself daily, I chose this. I picked going back to work. I wanted to see if staying at home was really for me. I wanted to experience both worlds.

I like the stay at home mom world much better. We'll see if I'm singing the same song once (if) I get into the swing of things.

There's Something To That Expression

Hit the ground running......is that ever what I did today.

This morning was such a whirlwind that I didn't have time to think about what I was doing. I got up, got myself ready, woke up Connor to get ready, loaded him in the car and Steven left. I had 10 minutes after Steven left to get myself out the door. Somehow we managed.

School starts at 8 and I was there at 7. I prefer to do most of my planning in the morning because there are fewer people around to interrupt you. After school everyone wants to come in and talk and it's so hard to get anything done. I was very grateful to see that my sub had left plans for today. I refused to think about work my last few days with Connor and I went in blind this morning. If there hadn't been anything in my plan book it would have been a lot harder!

I requested Jesse text me throughout the day to let me know how it was going. He was awesome about keeping me updated. I broke the rules and peeked at my phone every chance I could during the day. Jesse even snapped a picture of Connor and Jackson hanging out together in highchairs. It was super cute!

My class was just like any other class. Good apples and bad apples all mixed together. I will say there seem to be more bad apples than a typical year. Oh well. They also need some serious discipline. I hope it's not too late to get them on track and implement my classroom management style.

I left school at 3:50 to meet Jesse at my house. He is so awesome! He brings Connor to me! This works out really well because I can't imagine being able to leave school any sooner and if I had to go pick him up we would lose about 45 minutes of quality time to the commute. His house is on Steven's way to work but very out of the way for me from school.

I couldn't wait for Connor to get home. I was surprised to hear that Connor had a good day and even took a 2 hour nap! Jesse said it was true and that he wasn't just being nice. I also told Jesse that if Connor starts crawling while he is at his house that I don't want to know. I want to think I'm seeing it the first time it happens!

Our last surprise of the day was from Michael. She sent me a super sweet text at the end of the day that she wanted to make us dinner tonight. It was so thoughtful of her. I was so exhausted and making dinner was the equivalent of climbing a mountain. It was much appreciated!

I would say it was a fairly successful day. Now we just need to fine tune it!

So Much To Say About Today...and Tomorrow

1. Connor is thisclose to crawling. He is up on all fours and rocking back and forth. Of course, this is on the carpet. On hardwood his limbs slide out from under him!

2. Connor cut his first tooth today. He was showing NO signs of teething....I even looked yesterday.  I checked tonight during bath time and BAM there that baby was. His bottom left tooth has cut through.

3. I'm so glad those things happened today and not tomorrow when I'm returning to work. It was like a little gift!

4. I burst into tears this evening an hour before Connor went to bed. I knew I was upset about my return to work but the tears truly caught me off guard.



5. Tomorrow is going to break my heart. I'm excited about returning to work but it kills me that Connor won't understand what's happening for awhile. I hope he adjusts to the new routine quickly.  It's the end of an era for us. There will be few days where it's just the two of us.

Happy New Year

My resolution? 

Easy.....

To survive 

This guy...

and this guy.....

Notice how I've already dubbed the baby "guy."

simultaneously. 

Pretty ambitious, huh?